Problems?
by slowdance
Summary: What Greg would probably say to a shrink. AntiGSR.


What Greg would probably say if he went to the shrink. Anti-GSR.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of it's characters.

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My problems?

Not it's not work like everybody else.

Work's fun, I love work. It's interesting, you know. I just got out into the field and it's truckloads more fun than hanging out in the stupid lab all day. Ok fine, so it's because I had an accident in the lab a few years back and being in the lab still scares me but that's not my problem. No, I am not escaping from my traumatic past, I've just always wanted to get out in the field. Hey, I even suffered a paycut for that, so give the man some credit, would ya?

Anyway, my problems?

Nope, no problems. Just peachy here.

...Okay, maybe I do have one.

It's Sara Sidle.

Uh-huh, she works with me.

Oh, what's the problem?

It's nothing, it's just that I'm insanely in love with her and she'll never see it because all she thinks about is the stupid Bug Guy at work.

Bug Guy? Oh, he's my boss.

She's infatuated with him, and all he cares about is his bugs. Butterflies. Dung beetles. Maggots. He's practically married to his cockroach cage, I tell you. It sorta freaks, his office, with dead bugs all over the walls. But that's not the point.

The point is, I see her everyday, positively pining after the Bug Guy. Yes, he has a name, it's Grissom, but I like calling him Bug Guy. No it's not degrading, nor is it insulting. He's just a guy that likes bugs. So he's the Bug Guy, okay? Quit harping me on that. As I was saying, I see her hurting herself everyday because she's not willing to let him go. She still thinks she sports a chance with him, and that one day, when hell freezes over and pigs start to fly and donkeys start speaking and when I finally learn Japanese, out of the blue, he'll finally come to his senses and realises how much he loves her. I think she's even hoping he'll throw away his bug corpses for her.

But I know he'll never do that for her. It's just not him, putting romance above his bugs.

How certain am I?

I'm so certain I'd bet my whole Anthrax discography on it. I'll even throw in the Bad Company one too. That's how certain I am.

You see, he's such a freaking workaholic he'll never see anything other than work. He comes in early, sits in his office, and ponders over old cases. Then he works. Plus, I've seen him sneak home casefiles too. The way that guy maxes out on overtime is just scary man. Either that, or he goes to an amusement park to ride coasters. I've seen him a few times.

No, I wasn't stalking him.

...Ok fine. Just once. Or twice. But that's beside the point.

The scary thing is that when he rides them, he doesn't scream and raise his hands in terror, like normal people do. No, I think he just sits there, just like how he would in a taxi. Well, I dunno, ask him. He likes it anyway. The point is, he's just too serious. He doesn't get like half my jokes, or any of the other CSIs for that matter, it's not just me. He's just too freaking serious... almost unemotional. He didn't use to be like that, but he's almost robotic now. I wonder why. Maybe you should be talking to him instead, not me.

Anyways, I'm a hundred percent certain that they're no good together because, ah, I sound like my granny when she saw my sister with her biker boyfriend for the first time. Anyway, they're no good together because she's just like him too. She never lives it up.

No, I've never seen her sneak casefiles home.

But she never does anything else. I've been to her apartment once, and the whole place's just littered with JFS, and forensics textbooks. I switched on her tv and she was actually recording Cold Case. She's just so immersed in her work. Hell, she doesn't even ride coasters. She's dedicated, yes, but she's a time bomb waiting to happen, man. One day she'll just explode, burn out. And if she goes out with him, it'll probably be catalytic, and she'd probably get emotionally drained even sooner. Plus, who wants to make out with a robot?

See, you don't understand. She's insecure. She comes off as strong and independant, but she's insecure. She needs assurance. Bug Guy can't give her that. He doesn't know what she needs. He's a genius with bugs and everything else for that matter, but emotions? Not his forte.

What? So I think I can give her that?

Well. Yes. I think I can. I mean, I think I make her happy. I've seen her laugh more times with me in a week than I've ever seen her with Bug Guy. That dude's just not funny man.

Um, yes, I think I'd be able give her the assurance she needs, not to mention the love and concern she's never had her whole life. Plus, I'd make she she doesn't sneak home casefiles too. Hell, Bug Guy'd probably stuff a few of her files for her into his briefcase on the way out.

So yes. Yes. I think I'd be able to give her what she wants.

The only trouble is, she doesn't seem to realise I'm right in front of her. I'm like a sitting duck, but she just refuses to fire the gun.

Kinda sucks to be me, I guess.

A/N: I was bored and in one of my anti-GSR moods. Or maybe it's just PMS.


End file.
